BERT'S EXTRA-UGLY WEB PAGES!

Bert's Pages Have "Earned" These Seals:

FOOD AND BUG INFO

Select this choice for good stuff on gourmet dining, fine poetry, and pest control!

BEGGING ADVICE

Choose here to learn all there is to know on starting a career in begging!

ENGLISH LESSONS

Pick here to learn proper English in just 10 seconds!

FRENCH LESSONS

Select here to learn the French language in 30 seconds!

DINOSAURS

See some mean dinosaurs!

THE ZOO

Choose here if you need a new mouse, pig, or seal.

THE SIMPSONS

Pick here to see ascii art of the Simpsons (the cartoon, not O.J.'s family!).

THE EARTH

See the best map of the world. Created by me!

USA MAP

See a text map of the USA and other areas.

BERT

Select here to see who is Bert, and others.

FREQUENCY GUIDE

Choose here for a guide if you own a frequency scanner.

SMILEY DICTIONARY

See an extensive listing of the Smiley Dictionary.

COMPUTER COMMANDS

Pick here for a useful listing of some basic DOS, Unix, and VMS commands.

MIDI MUSIC

Select here for many midi music files to play or download.

FRAMES

Choose here for multiple junk at once. Your browser must support frames to view this (most all do). You should see nine junky pages at one time, so this may take a while to load.

EXTERNAL LINKS

Pick here if for some illogical reason you don't like Bert's Extra-Junky Web Pages. You'll see a menu of some other famous links, although sticking around here is obviously better.

MORE JUNK!

Select here for more Junky Page choices!

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